The Unknown Beast of Slackridge
I was a novice knight of Algantener, when one
day a squire came to me dressed in fine clothes. In his hand he carried a
letter engraved in gold, he told me it was an urgent request from the king
himself. It read:
Sir
Ardorso,
It pains me to tell you this but our
peaceful kingdom of Algantener is in tremendous peril. We are being ravaged by
a beast of darkness and disgust; it arrives riding on the fires of hell,
leaving only a trail of ash, lined with the dead, in its wake. Our only warning
of its attack is the putrid aroma of sulfur that fills the air. I’ve sent forth
all the knights of my kingdom, but none have prevailed. For every knight who
attempts to vanquish the monster; only a scorched, empty suit of armor is left
behind. You young brave knight are our last and only remaining hope. I beg you
for your assistance , if you choose to accept this quest I wish thee luck on
your journey. All I can do to help you is tell you that the beast’s weakness is…
The second page of his letter was missing. I was going to
ask the squire about the missing page but when I looked up from the parchment
he was gone. With only the letter in hand and the knowledge that my homeland
was in danger I rushed to get my armor. As I pulled each piece out, I admired
how the copper gleamed in the light as my brown hair and blue eyes (though
distorted) reflected off the shiny metal. This would be the first time I had
been graced with the honor of wearing my armor in the duty of my king. I
slipped into my suit realizing what this meant. I was now to take on the
burden, not of a novice, but of a true knight to the king. And I felt the
weight of that burden as I slipped the matching armor onto my white stallion,
Shoroyal.
By the time I had finished
preparing my things, the sun had already begun to rise up over the horizon. As
soon as the morning light struck the fresh dew on the grass, I cried; “Onward,
Shroyral, towards Slackridge and the beast that will soon be no more!” The
horse reared back and gave a joyous whinny for I felt he must have sensed my
excitement. Once his hooves hit the ground, we were off like a bolt of
lightning.
There
is a legend about the great volcano Slackridge. At its base, a castle lies
there in crumbling ruins. It is said, that a long time ago a large black dragon
used to guard its ominous gates. The dragon was known as Scarlentor the fallen,
he obeyed only one. The man who had freed him from the heart of Slackridge,
where he was imprisoned millennia ago by the gods themselves. This man was a notorious
criminal and a traitor named Garenta, also known as the Black Knight. He had
the face of a demon with ash black skin and flaming red hair. The dragon,
grateful to him for its freedom, dedicated itself to a life of service to
Garenta. To prove its gratitude, the creature used it’s magic to build him a
fortress of bedrock with futuristic weapons powered by steam vents which came
from volcano’s very core. With his newfound power Garenta began a campaign to
conquer all the lands for his own. While on this conquest he found a book of
black, which bestowed upon him the power to call forth armies of the damned
which need no rest and couldn’t die. But one day a lord brought together the
remaining kingdoms to stop the evil Garenta. Using the power of ancient magic
he brought down a pillar of white light which broke through the thick clouds of
ash and darkness spewing from Slackridge, as it struck the fortess it caused a
brilliant display of light and destruction. Searching the remains there was no
sign of Garenta, Scarlentor, or the black book. The people believed the holy
light had purified the land by abolishing them all. The one who made all this
possible was our kingdoms founder, the holy White Knight Algantener.
The black beast I
seek must be this dragon, Scarlentor., He must have survived somehow and been
hiding ever since in the bowels of the world. But why would he arise now to
reveal himself after so long. That is a mystery and hopefully I shall live long
enough to learn what secrets are hidden within the crumbling Dragons hearth.
We
stopped at the river Torrent to quench our thirst from a day of riding, but
something startled me. On the side of the river I was on the grass was lush and
green and the sun was shinning but on the other side there was nothing but dead
earth and devilishly black skies. In the far distance I could see flashes of
orange and red from Slackridge. Shroyal began to back away from the river and
head in the opposite direction, but I righted him around and we began to cross
the normally knee high river. This might sound strange but the closer we got to
the other side the thicker the water got. Once on the other side we set off again
towards the angry peak.
As
we got closer ash began to fall from the sky like snow, but it was nasty stuff
all thick and black. It stuck in your throat making it hard to breath. Its deep
rich color began to stain my armor, and poor Shroyal’s white fur. Once the ash
got up to Shroyal’s legs a smell entered my nostrils, the putrid scent of
sulfur. I whipped the ash out of the eye line on my helmet and began looking
around. In front of me at a distance, I could just make out the huge crumbling
gates through the thick ash. Bending down I rubbed her neck and whispered, “Just
a bit further girl, hang in there for a bit longer.”
Up
ahead was a stone structure which wasn’t much but it would give us protection
from the ash. After a quick swig from my flask (which felt like a breath of
fresh air on my dry cracking throat) I dismounted and left Shroyal there with
the remains of our water. I continued to trudge my way through the endless sea
of ash. I soon passed through the gates but once inside I had realized
something, no ash was falling within the remains of the fortress. I made my way
toward a pair of huge iron doors leading inside. With all my strength I was
able to force the mighty doors open. I had just begun to catch my breath when a
voice from deep inside the room came to me, “Well, good show in making it
here.” I quickly looked up to meet the beast in the eye but I saw nothing, But
then I wondered; do dragons speak? I
began lowering my head and my eyes landed on a throne just across the room from
me. There he sat a demon in human form, his black skin and burning red hair were
unmistakable. It was Garenta. Sneering he said, “You, are their last resort?
I’m disappointed. I thought the king would come himself. Oh well, I guess I’ll
have to deal with you first. Scarlentor, kill this whelp.”
I
spun around to watch the dragon enter the chamber lumbering from side to side, pressing
its huge muscular body through the large doorway. He had to be over a hundred feet
tall, every inch of him covered in heavy armored scales and under those were
thick rippling muscles. It hunched down and looked me straight in the eye then
it looked towards Garenta and then back to me. That was when I realized, since
I was covered in black ash, and was wearing a helmet to hide my not so red
hair, I looked like Garenta. I yelled, in a voice much deeper than my own, “Go
down to the core of the volcano and wait.”
It
worked! The beast went back down the tunnel. As I watched him leave I suddenly
felt a sharp pain go through my chest. I looked down and saw the tip of a sword
piercing the front of my armor. A small line of blood was running down the
front of my chest but for a second I couldn’t get my mind around it. What was
happening?
I
felt hot breath on the back of my throat, his lips so close that I could even
feel his shoulder touching mine, “You may have tricked my pet, but now you
shall die whilst I retrieve Scarlentor and destroy the kingdom. What a sad end
for such a pathetic excuse for a knight.”
“If
this is so,” I gasped, “We’ll go together. Since I am already dead…” I grabbed
my sword and with all my strength, thrust it backwards through my chest
catching the black knight as he leaned against me and pinning him there. “…then
so are you!” As I pierced my own heart to break his, he screamed.
The
black sword in my chest turned to dust. My sight went blurry and the last thing
I remembered was a flash of white light.
When
I awoke, I was in a bed surrounded by smiling faces. Wizards, doctors and even the king himself
were all gathered there gazing down upon me and talking with each other. I
wasn’t sure how I had arrived there or for that matter, how they had even found
me, but I was alive and that’s what matters. But as I closed my eyes I heard,
“Yes, you might live, but so do I.”
“Yes, you might live, but so do I.”
That was certainly more descriptive. I liked how you made the armor not such a vain thing for the knight as much as a point of pride and a rite of passage. I loved most of the changes and wish you would go even further with it...describing the journey and some about the young knight's past. maybe even about the King and the trials which the citizens of the kingdom have had to face. It's a very good base and I can see you going from a story teller to a writer who makes your readers feel as if they are there.
ReplyDeleteThe changes you made have helped to project Sir Ardorso as having the true heart of a knight, making him endeared even more. The captivating end, in true John Saul style, leaves the notion there is more to tell about this embattled warrior. Nicely Done.
ReplyDeleteWOW the changes and additions were great i want to know more about this knight and all the battles he fights. He may not be perfect i think that is what makes him interesting!!!
ReplyDeleteNICE. The story had much more depth. The descriptive writing gave the story more character and feeling. The changes were will made.
ReplyDeleteVery descriptive writing, although this particular dark story line is not something I would normally be interested in reading, so I am not one to offer an opinion on the plot or the meaning of the story. However, from the perspective of grammar, the lack of commas in a few key places, and the occasional typo was a little distracting. Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteVery nice short story!!! It flowed extremely well. It was cohesive and very well thought out. Nice use of descriptive phrases to put the reader into the picture of the story.
ReplyDelete